My first guitar (1995). Japanese made Lotus strat. My mom’s taste in home decor was also chef’s kiss. 🎸
Guitar
Brought my #Fender Jazzmaster into Portland Music Company yesterday. It desperately needed a setup and the jack needed some soldering done. Had fun looking around at all the different guitars, amps, banjos, etc. Reminded me of my days in Lansing after college when I’d spend my lunch breaks at Elderly Instruments in Old Town. It’s amazing how many people I meet all across the U.S. who used to receive their guitar lists and catalogs. #pdx #lansing #guitars
He was interested in the guitar for 5 seconds and then it was onto the cordless drill.
16 mos. today. I guess it’s time to start force feeding him piano and guitar lessons. They grow up so fast.
Just rocking out on the electric avocado guitar
Playing music is like riding a bicycle but riding a bicycle is not like playing music
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One of the things that I wasn’t prepared for in midlife is how difficult it would be to adjust to life without a passion.
This isn’t to say that I have never had passion. It’s just that the time commitment involved in nurturing a passion is severely diminished. Work, commute, house, 5-month-old baby — it’s seems so cliche, but finding the time for yourself really is difficult. And when you try to fit it in with any level of regularity, something else usually suffers. But does it have to?
I’ve been playing guitar since I was 14 years old. I never took lessons, but when you’re alone or unemployed or broke or all of the above, you’ve got a lot of time on your hands to noodle around and nurture it. What I lacked in knowledge, I made up in pure creativity. I’m not saying I was some sort of guitar god - that would be douchy as hell. But I loved playing so much and it was an escape from sometimes difficult reality.
Fast forward almost 25 years and I’ve been trying to get back into it. For too many years, my guitar collected dust. I’d pick it up now and again, and it was sort of like riding a bike. But there’s a big difference between taking a leisurely roll around the neighborhood and competing in a triathlon with it. Dedication, education, persistence, passion - you have to want it. And even then, when you’re a cyclist, rarely do people ask you to perform for them on the spot. There’s an implied prerequisite to share your passion with others through performance when it comes to music, even when you treat it as something personal.
Playing guitar for me still is a meditation, but it was more on the leisurely roll side of things. I had fun, sang some tunes around the house, and blacked out the work day stress or nonstop baby puke. However, I’d been feeling like my life was missing an opportunity for growth and to get me out of my shell. .
I started taking lessons for the first time a couple of months ago. I wasn’t sure how I’d like it, but it’s been incredible. It’s every other week, so not a huge commitment, but I already find myself getting to a level I’ve never reached before. I’m still rusty as hell, but it’s nice to be challenged in a way that is not in the form of a traditional education, or work or family related. It also gives me some much needed time to myself. I missed that.
All these years I feel like I’ve been coloring with 3 crayons. Learning the fretboard and scales (however slowly) is opening the palette up and making the creative process easier.
I’ve also made a friend in the neighborhood and we’re getting together for the first time tomorrow night to play acoustic guitar. I haven’t had a friend to play music with regularly in years and I’m actually pretty excited about it. I’m even more excited to have someone in my neighborhood instead of making the trek into Portland all the time.
At any rate, my goal by taking lessons and playing with others is to get better at improvisation and to become a better music writer. I harbor no illusions (or desires) to play regular gigs or becoming known in any way. But I would like to finally start making and recording music and honoring that part of myself that I’ve neglected as other parts of me grew. I’m setting that intention now and I’ll revisit this post in the coming years to see how I’ve done. Who knows, maybe I’ll even post something here someday.
1/21/2019
Baby still isn’t here. Just got back from a check-up and some grocery shopping. Shar’s about to partake in some reality TV, so I’m contemplating other things.
Yesterday was a really good day. We started out with breakfast from Black Bear Diner. Much better than driving into Portland, waiting forever for a seat, having so-so food, and then paying out the ass.
Shar surprised me by taking me for my first ever full-service pedicure. It was…incredible. Of course I didn’t get any color done, but they pull out all the stops. Massage chair, foot soak, foot scrub, foot and leg massage, hot wax, toe nail clean up. I’ve never experienced anything like it and I just might have to do it a couple times a year for relaxation.
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We rented a movie (Venom) and then went out to Breakside Brewing in Northeast for our friend Laura’s 30th birthday. Back home and in bed by 9:30.
Today’s MLK day, so us government workers get the day off and Shar just happened to have the day off as well. I took the day to give the office a thorough cleaning. The office is also my music room and also our spare room now that the spare room has become the nursery. Things are tight in here already, but I rearranged my guitar pedal board last week and all the cut up velcro and patch cables really put things in rough shape. Much better now. Still have to get these cords in order, however.
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I squeezed in an hour or so of playing this afternoon as I got lucky and had the sun coming in the front window. I soaked it up.
All in all, a real nice self-care weekend and much needed at that.
Song:
Japanese Breakfast - Till Death
December 6, 2018
I did 5 miles today on my lunch hour. I can tell I’m going to hurt a bit tomorrow, but hell if it didn’t feel great! I am debating if I should get up early tomorrow and ride the opposite direction of my meeting in Portland to do my weight day. It will make for a long one, but I hate it that I’d otherwise have to miss.
Anyway, Shar and I had a bit of a discussion about my airline miles credit card. I paid for my flight (Thanksgiving week no less) with my Delta card because I had accumulated 70,000 miles. Sort of stupid since I was saving up for a trip to Europe, but with the baby coming along, I really didn’t want to spend $700 on a flight to Michigan in November. Anyway, that’s besides the point.
The reason I had 70,000 miles on my credit card is because I spent $70,000 on my credit card. That alone should give me pause. Sure, it was over the course of a year and a half, but still. I pay it off every month, but it’s one of those things where I didn’t really think too much about whether or not I had the money to spend because it wasn’t coming out of my checking account right at that moment. So, I spent more than I should have, consistently.
So I’ve switched over to using my debit card, which in and of itself is enough to curb the spending. When you see your checking account balance, the internal debate is a lot stronger as to whether or not you need a specific item. Most often, the answer is ‘no’. Anyway, I think I’m reigning it in and the spending habit is being curbed. Besides, if you just saved the annual fee you spend on those things, you’re halfway to a ticket right there.
And traveling is something we want to do. Where, no one knows. Neither of us have traveled with a baby before, so that will be freaky. But I know we both need it.
As for work, things are going fine. I just passed my 1 year anniversary in the new role and I couldn’t be happier with the change. It’s sort of strange being slightly lower on the totem pole, but sometimes you have to take a step back to move ahead, and my happiness and fulfillment are pretty high even if I’m not getting rich anytime soon. Of course the benefits don’t hurt - we did the math the other day and it’s going to cost about $600 out-of-pocket to have the baby. Not too shabby if you ask me. Things are cruising.
The interesting and difficult thing will be doing the math early next year. I think a lot of people are going to be shocked when they do their taxes with the changes made to the tax code since Trump took office. Let’s just say I hope you increased your withholdings if you’re the type of person who likes to get money back. Your vacation may be a staycation.
And since it will be the first year Shar and I can choose to do our taxes jointly or apart, that adds another element of difficult. Mostly because both of our student loan payments are based on income. So if we file together, our income is higher, and our payments could potentially go up. We’re both on the Public Service Loan Forgiveness (PSLF) train and I’m about halfway done with it before the remainder is forgiven. In this situation you want to pay as little as possible. So we may file separately despite the implications for our taxes. I may post a spreadsheet here once I get it figured out just in case anyone else is in a similar boat.
At any rate, I’ve got the house to myself tonight so it’s time to go hit some strings on my guitar. Nighty night.
#tbt. 14 years old. My first electric guitar, Christmas 1995.
#guitargoals #gibson #lespaul #special #doublecut #tvyellow
O hai. #1925 #martin #acoustic #guitar
#martin #martinguitar #pdx #portland #guitar #acoustic #elderly #lansing
New tuning machines on an shitty guitar = success.
<font size="+1">uh oh, bryan</font>
derek: I went to listen to a Salsa station on my radio derek: lazy mexicans derek: it's not up and running
"What people don't realize is that the so-called Seattle grunge scene grew out of several close-knit gourmet supper clubs - we would only pick up guitars to pass the time while our dishes were simmering, baking, boiling, etc." -kurt cobain
perhaps it's time for a real update. i've actually been a real busy-body for the first time in ages. i mean, holy shit, i was up at 5:30 today…without an alarm clock—-[need someone say–'who the fuck are you and what have you done with bryan'?] in the beginning there were seeds. so last month started out on a low note, coming to grips with the fact that i was going to be 23, a mere 7 years from 30. THAT'S 3 DECADES. i'd see kids from school that have graduated….that were middle-schoolers when i was graduating. i was almost jealous of them. i wanted to be 17 again, going to shows every weekend, racking miles on my car, and getting caught up in youth drama. i wanted good grades without having to try…and thus the support that came along with that. i wanted the ignorant love i had then—gosh it was beautiful. yes, early February brought with it nausea, drinking binges, and puking fits. shortly after this, brad came home from iraq…and i actually felt a bit better. i actually connected with him…not just superficial lip service like it's been the last few years. we drank while playing euchre, talked about life, about when we were kids, about the war, about his new wife to be, and whatever else… and then my kid brother got married, the Wednesday before my birthday. i was exceptionally happy for both of them, and i think they're a good match. but i almost felt as if i failed…that my kid brother, [who had little personality…who got poor grades….who has never been much of a success…..never showed much interest in anything…whom my parents were worried for….] was doing much better than i was. here he was making pretty good money in the army, getting a new bride, a new place. how dare he marry out of order! ok, so those weren't the prominent thoughts. the underlying feelings were happiness, but those other things were always in the back of my mind. when you hear the ding, turn the page. well, the morning of the wedding [actually at the wedding] i meet one of amy's friends. abby. she just walks up and introduces herself, saying 'i've heard so much about you….no, no, all good things,' etc. i'm so shocked at this girl that i probably could have blushed. maybe i did. i dunno. "but it's just a pretty face, bryan. keep telling yourself that. you don't need any distractions." but she's not just a pretty face. so what other excuse can i make up. "she's just coming out of a long relationship. in fact, it's still not officially over…don't get yourself into that mess" but pretty soon that's all over…and she starts going out of her way to see me… slyly. we have very similar personalities…she's going to school to be a special ed teacher…which i find very admirable…she actually READS for pleasure…she's motivated and has the potential to whip me into shape [probably is already doing so]…goal oriented…and so damn sexy, it drives me wild. so we've been seeing each other the last few weeks, whenever our busy schedules allow us. we both work and go to school, and have pretty busy social lives…so sometimes it's tough, but i really like this girl. a lot. i haven't had butterflies for anyone in about 3 years… i just don't know what to think because if i end up gong to U of M or MSU…i'm going to be kind of far away. i guess i'll just take it as it comes. but i'm done making life decisions based on anyone's life but my own; what's necessary for ME. all too often in the past i've compromised my plans for someone else. over 'spring break' my parents helped amy and brad move to north carolina…into their new place….so i watched over their place…made sure eric got to school, fed the dogs…but that week was just chaos. i started a new job so i couldn't always be here to make sure things were ok. the morning of my first day of work, i got up at 5am, showered, did my thing…went down stairs to make a copy of my driver's license and social security card…and in doing so stepped into a flooded basement. computers and other electronics were on the ground, trevor's drum kit, my amp, my guitar…all kinds of stuff. all i had time to move before i had to leave was the drum kit, guitar and amp. a computer, cd burner and misc. other things are officially fried. so i couldn't make a copy of my stuff….went to work empty handed…almost late….not a good impression. my second day of work, i leave extra early to make up for things…to go to the copy place and leave plenty of time for myself. i decide to take my mom's car just for kicks… so i stop by the ATM machine to get some cash out [ i needed gas…and smokes] but i realize i don't have my card…so i spend my only $5 dollars on a pack of smokes…and ride on fumes to the copy place. i get there and theres a sign that says OUT OF BUSINESS. WHAT!~!?! so i hop in the car and drive around looking for a place to get a copy made…and of course there is no where. i watch my minutes tick away, and i'm starting to get worried i'm going to be late. LIGHTBULB i stop in at holiday inn…cause i figure they cater to business people sometimes…and sure enough, i'm in and out with a FREE copy in hand. i get in the car and it won't start~!!!!! i get on the phone to try and call my brother, so he can give me the number for work…so i can call them…but of course my brother is still sleeping at 2pm….so i let it ring until it won't ring anymore….and then i call again. and again. 411 didn't know the number. i call home again. i lift the hood and start beating the starter with my fist. i'm so furious that i don't even notice that i've laid my arm on a VERY HOT part of the car. my skin melted right off. so i just slam the hood and sit there in the car with my head on the steering wheel. i try one more time….and the stupid ass car STARTS right then and there…first try….so next thing you know, i'm going 80 in a 55…all the while i see 6 cops with people pulled off to the side of the road….thank god they were busy. i made it to work 2 minutes late and no one even notices. since that day, things have been going wonderfully, but i about had a breakdown. :) ok, i think i'm done.
i got my guitar out today. dusted it off. i think that's part of what's missing. trevor is going to move his old kit into my basement and we're going to play. if i get this job i've applied for…i'll have money finally. i've decided i need to move. maybe portland. or vancouver. somewhere with mountains. when i look around i think about that song by trail of dead: "the ruined landscape i once called home" i swear they must be from the midwest. especially judging by that picture in the liner notes. i think they're really from texas. but that photo is definitely michigan or wisconsin. anyway, i don't know what i'm talking about. blow me a fucking kiss.
So my parents just got back from visiting my uncle [the one I was living with] in Florida and they absolutely adore his new house. My mom is so geeked and she's talking about moving down there. Theres this 6 bedroom house, 3 car garage they want to build and it would be really quite inexpensive compared to places up here. My mom has the type of job where she can work at home anywhere she goes but my step dad needs a power plant to work at…so she's been looking for jobs for him like all day. It's kind of fun to see my mom in this state. I hate to see her stagnating and it's cool to see her all giddy. I guess we'll see what happens.
I wish I had a good idea for a halloween costume. Any suggestions? I don't even really know what I'm going to do–there are about 12 events I'd like to attend and they're all spread out so it wouldn't be easy [probably impossible with drinks] to jump from place to place.
Also, I didn't care for this album much when I first heard it, but the more I listen, the more I like. Guess I've been listening to too much retro shit lately to appreciate it at first. Some of the guitar and drum work is amazing. m/
went to a pretty damn good show last night with adam, adrian and a couple of randoms.
Tuba and Drums, a local band, really rocked the house. They were a 3 piece…1 guitarist, a drummer, and that's right, A TUBA player who also played synths, scratches, and trumpet! Brilliant.
The other band was called The Roots of Orchis. They were from SanFran and I ended up buying their CD. They were damn good.
I can't believe I'm actually still doing really well in school. I'm sick of this semester already though. I'm sick of everything right now actually. I'm so BORED with life. Someone should come visit me. I have the entire house to myself this weekend and no one to share it with.
I've actually been thinking alot about Florida recently and wishing that I had gotten to know more people. I think I would have liked to stay longer if I would have had 1 or 2 people on my side. And that Ally girl…grrrr. HAHA.