Category: Essays

  • courtesy of nytimes.com

    i don't care who started what, this is just absolutely distrubing. i could vomit.

    ""
    ^
    "Children cheered while bodies burned after an attack on American civilians working for Blackwater Security Consulting of Moyock, N.C"

    ""
    ^
    "Iraqis chanted anti-American slogans in Falluja yesterday as burned bodies of Americans were suspended on a bridge over the Euphrates River."

    FALLUJA, Iraq, March 31 — Four Americans working for a security company were ambushed and killed Wednesday, and an enraged mob then jubilantly dragged the burned bodies through the streets of downtown Falluja, hanging at least two corpses from a bridge over the Euphrates River.

    Less than 15 miles away, in the same area of the increasingly violent Sunni Triangle, five American soldiers were killed when a roadside bomb ripped through their armored personnel carrier.

    The violence was one of the most brutal outbursts of anti-American rage since the war in Iraq began more than a year ago. And the steadily deteriorating situation in the Falluja area, a center of anti-American hostility west of Baghdad, has become so precarious that no American or Iraqi forces responded to the attack against the civilians, who worked for a North Carolina company.

    American officials said the civilians were traveling in two sport utility vehicles although some witnesses in Falluja said there were four. "Two got away; two got trapped," said Muhammad Furhan, a taxi driver.

    It is not clear what the four Americans were doing in Falluja or where they were going. But just as they were passing a strip of stationery stores and kebab shops around 10:30 a.m., masked gunmen jumped into the street and blasted their vehicles with assault rifles. Witnesses said the civilians did not shoot back.

    There are a number of police stations in Falluja and a base of more than 4,000 marines nearby, but even as the security guards were being swarmed and their vehicles set on fire, sending plumes of inky smoke over the closed shops of the city, there were no ambulances, no fire engines and no assistance.

    Instead, Falluja's streets were thick with men and boys and chaos.

    Men with scarves over their faces hurled bricks into the blazing vehicles. A group of boys yanked a smoldering body into the street and ripped it apart. Someone then tied a chunk of flesh to a rock and tossed it over a telephone wire.

    "Viva mujahedeen!" shouted Said Khalaf, a taxi driver. "Long live the resistance!"

    Nearby, a boy no older than 10 ground his heel into a burned head. "Where is Bush?" the boy yelled. "Let him come here and see this!"

    Masked men gathered around him, punching their fists into the air. The streets filled with hundreds of people. "Falluja is the graveyard of Americans!" they chanted.

    Several news crews filmed the mayhem. The images of a frenzied crowd mutilating bodies were reminiscent of the scene from Somalia in 1993, when a mob dragged the body of an American soldier through the streets of Mogadishu. That moment shifted public opinion and eventually led to an American pullout.

    The White House blamed terrorists and remnants of Saddam Hussein's former government for the attack. "This is a despicable attack," Scott McClellan, the White House spokesman, told reporters, adding that "there are some that are doing everything they can to prevent" a transfer of sovereignty to an Iraqi government on June 30.

    American military officials said the violence in Falluja, however chilling, would not scare them away. "The insurgents in Falluja are testing us," said Capt. Chris Logan, a marine. "They're testing our resolve. But it's not like we're going to leave. We just got here."

    Captain Logan, who is stationed at a large walled base on the outskirts of the city, said Falluja was becoming "an area of greater concern." Last week, a contingent of marines, who recently took over responsibility for Falluja from the Army, fought gunmen in a battle in which one marine, a television cameraman and several Iraqi civilians were killed.

    "This is one of those areas in Iraq that is definitely squirrelly," Captain Logan said.

    Many people in Falluja said they believed that they had won an important victory on Wednesday. They insisted that the four security guards, who were driving in unmarked sport utility vehicles, were working for the Central Intelligence Agency.

    "This is what these spies deserve," said Salam Aldulayme, a 28-year-old Falluja resident.

    Intelligence sources in Washington said the four were not working for the C.I.A. They worked for Blackwater Security Consulting of Moyock, N.C., providing security for food delivery in the Falluja area, according to a statement from the company. The occupation authorities have hired hundreds of private security guards for a range of duties.

    Witnesses in Falluja said several of the men had Defense Department badges, though such identification is common for contractors working for the occupation. A senior military officer said the four were retired Special Operations forces — three Navy Seals and one Army Ranger. American officials declined to immediately identify the dead men.

    In the last three weeks, more than 10 foreign civilians have been killed in Iraq, though no attack provoked the spasm of brutality that followed this one.

    Since the war in Iraq began, Falluja has been a flash point of violence. Of all the places in Iraq, it is where anti-American hatred is the strongest. The area is predominantly Sunni Muslim. Many families remain loyal to the captured dictator, Mr. Hussein, who is also a Sunni Muslim. Over the years, Mr. Hussein cultivated a network of patronage and privilege among the tribes and elders of Falluja. Many became top army officers. Some ran big companies. When Mr. Hussein was ousted last April, the people here lost their jobs, their businesses and their power.

    That set off a cycle of killing and responses, a bloody feud between a clannish society and occupiers from thousands of miles away. Last April, American soldiers killed more than 15 civilians at a demonstration in Falluja. In November, an American helicopter was shot down outside the town, killing 16. Townspeople danced on the wreckage.

    In February, insurgents mounted a brazen daylight attack against a convoy carrying Gen. John P. Abizaid, the American commander in the Middle East. He escaped unscathed. But two days later, gunmen blasted their way into a Falluja jail, killing at least 15 police officers and freeing dozens of prisoners.

    Last week, the First Marine Expeditionary Force formally took control of the city, population 300,000, which sits on a desert shelf about 35 miles west of Baghdad. Marine commanders said they were going to try a different approach from the Army, which had basically pulled back to bases ringing Falluja and left policing up to the locals.

    "We're doing work outside the wire," Captain Logan said. "We're running patrols. We're rebuilding things. We're working with Iraqis."

    Most of the Sunni Triangle, north and west of Baghdad, has become so unsafe that American forces stick to their bases, their movement usually limited to heavily guarded convoys.

    Around 7 a.m. on Wednesday, an Army convoy passing through the town of Habbaniya, west of Falluja, rolled over an I.E.D., or improvised explosive device. The bomb was buried in the road and blew up under an armored personnel carrier, killing five soldiers. Roadside bombs are everyday occurrences in Iraq. But few have claimed as many casualties. "It was a very large I.E.D.," said Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt, deputy operations director for the occupation forces.

    A few hours later the men from Blackwater Security drove into downtown Falluja. After they were shot, the scene turned grisly. A crowd of more than 300 people flooded into the streets. Men swarmed around the vehicles. Some witnesses said the Americans were still alive when one boy came running up with a jug of gasoline. Soon, both vehicles were fireballs.

    "Everybody here is happy with this," Mr. Furhan, the taxi driver, said. "There is no question."

    After the fires cooled, a group of boys tore the corpses out of the vehicles. The crowd cheered them on. The boys dragged the blackened bodies to the iron bridge over the Euphrates River, about a mile away. Some people said they saw four bodies hanging over the water, some said only two. At sunset, nurses from a nearby hospital tried to take the bodies away.

    Men with guns threatened to kill the nurses. The nurses left. The bodies remained.

    Christine Hauser contributed reporting from Baghdad for this article.
    (c) NYTIMES

  • OK COMpROOTER

    done this before, but i'll do it again because it's fun [and i always copy jeannie]:
    Step 1: Open your Winamp or other lesser MP3 player.
    Step 2: Put every song you have on random (no pre-made playlists)
    Step 3: Write down the first 20 songs it plays, no matter how embarrassing

    1. The Decemberists – Los Angeles, I'm Yours
    2. Sufjan Stevens – The Upper Peninsula
    3. Cursive – Sierra
    4. Grandaddy – Chartsengrafs
    5. Q and not U – Nine Things Everyone Knows
    6. The Unicorns – Inoculate the Innocuous
    7. Social Distortion – She's a Knockout
    8. Aesop Rock – Bazooka Tooth
    9. Rufus Wainwright – Somewhere Over the Rainbow
    10. Beulah – Don't Forget to Breathe
    11. Cap'n Jazz – Puddle Splashers
    12. Placebo – You Don't Care About Us
    13. Neutral Milk Hotel – In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
    14. The Dismemberment Plan – The City
    15. Neutral Milk Hotel – Oh Comely
    16. Godspeed You Black Emporer – Providence
    17. Rainer Maria – Breakfast of Champions
    18. The Magnetic Fields – How Fucking Romantic
    19. Peaches – Kick It [ feat. Iggy Pop]
    20. Desert City Soundtrack – Left You for Who You ARE

  • five things

    1. music–to have a working band again…don't even need to be playing for the public..just something of an outlet. 2. a job that allows me a)food and b)somewhere to sleep. 3. to be somewhere with a better climate/architecture/cultural events-diversity. 4. someone to share with…someone with eyes that burn me. 5. the ocean.

  • pencil sketches and makeup on the passenger seat visor.

    driving home.
    from wherever, so long as home is my destination.
    i catch myself looking around my surroundings and criticizing everything; bitching about every little thing, at first. "why can't….how come….where's the…."
    but then a peace usually washes over me. i see a bridge and a sign that reads "pine river" and i think how i would have killed to see that bridge so many times before when it was an impossibility. projecting myself into the future i see myself in a far off place, tied down in roots of stability, no more big questions about the future, no more big dreams, wishing that i was back on those country roads in my car and in my head with the most infinite of possibilities and color schemes. i think of the old saying 'those who have lost everything are free to do anything' and mold it to my own liking. 'those who have never had anything are free to dream about everything.' maybe it's the snow falling and the endless white and the slick roads in their entrancing straightness and the hum of the tires that hypnotize and chill my spine. i try to hold onto that shiver, make it last as long as i can. it helps me feel like i'm in touch with something much larger than i. for when it's gone, the clarity goes with it and the empty passenger seat becomes too much to handle. if i hold the chill, i feel the moment that is. i don't feel old tears or embraces. i don't think of impossibilities or the unfathomables. i don't get caught up in thought and miss the moment that is. but when it's gone my head starts-a-dreamin' of days that will never come, and days that have and never will again.

  • from sea to shining sea. or some bullshit like that.

    Live At Ibiza: what's up man?
    spira infinitas: heya. just posting some pictures online.
    spira infinitas: what up
    Live At Ibiza: not shit, just turned in some laundry and took ashower.
    spira infinitas: i see. amy came over tonight with maria. i think she's trying to hook us up or something.
    Live At Ibiza: did she? is she still there?
    spira infinitas: no, she went home
    Live At Ibiza: dammit
    Live At Ibiza: she said she was gonna email me what time she worked tomorrow but she didn't.
    spira infinitas: she didn't know what time she had to work…
    Live At Ibiza: she didn't?
    Live At Ibiza: even after work yesterday?
    Live At Ibiza: how'd that absinthe taste?
    spira infinitas: i guess not. maria had to leave because she has to get up at 6 and when they left, amy said she didn't even know when she had to go in tomorrow. i guess today she was over an hour late. she thought she had to be there at 5 but she was supposed to be there at noon. they called her and she went in.
    spira infinitas: the absinthe tastes like really fucking strong jagermeister.
    Live At Ibiza: hahaha
    Live At Ibiza: i want to try it.
    spira infinitas: well, like i said, i didn't take very much at all so i didn't really feel the effects
    Live At Ibiza: is it a big bottle?
    spira infinitas: well it's shaped weird, like a circle, but i think it's probably a fifth.
    Live At Ibiza: cool.
    spira infinitas: yea. sorry dude-i won't drink anymore.
    Live At Ibiza: we'll drink it when i get home and just get all kinds of shitty off of it.
    spira infinitas: sounds good to me. it's like 60 percent alcohol. you'll definitely get plenty kinds of shitty.
    Live At Ibiza: hahah
    Live At Ibiza: yeah i know this man.
    spira infinitas: can't wait.
    Live At Ibiza: soon
    Live At Ibiza: hahah
    Live At Ibiza: i can't wait to come home man.
    spira infinitas: i know you can't. it's probably going to be like heaven for you…and you'll get to have a little taste of spring before it gets all hot
    Live At Ibiza: yeah. it's gonna be nice.
    Live At Ibiza: i'm super excited about marrying amy man.
    spira infinitas: yeah, it's going to be cool. i think you guys are right for eachother.
    Live At Ibiza: thanks, me too. i love her a lot.
    spira infinitas: and she loves you a lot
    Live At Ibiza: yeah i know, it's wonderful.
    spira infinitas: what time is it there
    Live At Ibiza: 9:52 am
    spira infinitas: weird.
    Live At Ibiza: yeah
    Live At Ibiza: we're 8 hours ahead of you guys, it always confuses me whenever i try calling home.
    spira infinitas: so what kid of building are you in? just a computer lab?
    Live At Ibiza: it's a tent.
    spira infinitas: haha
    Live At Ibiza: yep
    spira infinitas: what's the temp like
    Live At Ibiza: it's nice in here, it's pretty cold this morning though. i work up freezing my ass off last night
    Live At Ibiza: woke sorry not work
    spira infinitas: gotcha
    Live At Ibiza: yeah
    spira infinitas: brb. gonna grab a midnight snack.
    Live At Ibiza: aight.
    spira infinitas: that's cool you get to use the internet bro
    Live At Ibiza: yeah i know, i pretty much always have, but the last place i was at, we were behind a really nasty firewall.
    Live At Ibiza: i found one way around it but i had to pay for it.;
    spira infinitas: well don't go getting your armd chopped off for looking at porn.
    Live At Ibiza: i won't
    Live At Ibiza: haha
    Live At Ibiza: oh well.
    Live At Ibiza: don't need to worry about it anymore.
    Live At Ibiza: well bro, i'm gonna go get something to eat myself.
    Live At Ibiza: i'll probably be on a little later, but you'll probably be sleeping but if i don't talk to you later, i love ya and miss ya. and i'll talk to you soon.
    Live At Ibiza: peace.

  • the brothers robb

    my brothers and i out front of my grandmother's house before brad left to go back to iraq. he had come home on leave in september because my father died.

    eric, bradley and myself.

  • rock the casbah

    "This Coastie is ringing in the new year on patrol down here in the Carribean. I'll be with you guys next year though! Leave no beers behind and take lots of pictures for me! And remind T-Mills to watch his drink for GHB (GR Girls are sneaky)!"

    haha

  • *somewhere in the system theres an open-ended list of all the lies we tell…*

    what an interesting month this has been!
    i wish all of you could see the scene out my back window! the woods across the river completely blanketed in snow: absolutely gorgeous. if i find my camera, i'll snap a shot or two.

    completely different world than florida. but i guess that goes without saying. i had a nice trip…wish i could have visited a few people i've been meaning to. beyond my control!

    oh, and bryan might have a love interest. though as much as i want it i'm not sure i'm ready for that sort of thing right now.

  • say what

    god and i had the best make-up sex ever, today. oral report for government went extremely well and i got many good responses from it, especially concerning my comparison of the patriot act to george orwell's 1984. i also received a 96/100 on the exam. bought a cd for the first time in months, though i had to pay with credit, music is one of the only things that really puts that excitement in me with the giddiness of a child. got interviewed by a camera crew on the sidewalk in front of urban outfitters in east lansing. i thought i'd play the part of the optimist when they asked if i believed in god and if so, have i ever witnessed something where i thought god was at work. they may have been theology majors at msu or something but i couldn't pass up the opportunity. i said something to the tune of, "well, though i don't subscribe to any particular religion, i do in fact consider myself to be in touch with what some would call god; with my spirituality, and despite some major disappointments i see in the world, i can't help but look around sometimes and simply relish in the miracle that is life, our place in the cosmos, and the overall beauty in all things…" The guys just stood there kind of slack-jawed and said, "uh, um, uh thank you…" as i walked away. also, i saw paul at urban outfitters…talking to the gal that i'm kicking myself over for not asking out [still working on that confidence thing]…but we might hang out this weekend. maybe i can get to her through him? haha. i'm evil. evil. the entire time, pick up a book, pretend that i'm reading something really interesting, put it down, pick up another, glance over at her behind the counter and feel my heart go thump-thump, then shy away again, looking at clothes i know i won't buy, but every second i spend in there is a chance that maybe she'll trip over me, where then i'll have to pick her up, say extraordinarily meaningful things, promise her the world and then live happily ever after. uh huh.

  • merci

    no matter how cliche it may sound, i really do have a whole lot to be thankful for…

  • blah blah blah blah blah blah

    Once again we ride these beasts to the said tributary of un-originality, where we will watch them drink, where we ourselves will drink, as Christ did with closed eyes and beard dripping, where he has and we will urinate what our bodies did not want, and on down the delta Buddha speaks between handfuls of nourishment and excrement, cupping his stubby fingers he sips without second thought, touching holy lip and tongue, all the while his purity never eluding him, who speaks not of an originality that lies in one man alone, no beast or tree, earth or stone, but instead in all things equally as one, where each is granted right to express by any medium, his thought which is not his, such as opening a window and allowing others to look in, as well as for himself to look out among their faces, reflecting their own remembrance of that chord within.

  • this house it was haunted

    this house, it was haunted
    the moment he took aim
    with no apparent motive
    crimson now flesh's fate

    pistol plane stayed tangent
    and in-line with the face
    of a once quiet child
    who'd always take the blame

    'cause even a swift hand
    was attention still desired
    and through tired tenaments
    those wishes, they transpired

    the quiet buzz of appliances
    ping pong down hallway walls
    soft water from the faucet
    echoing it's whispered call:

    "come way with me
    come way with me
    down the drain and hide
    never they'll find you here nor there
    with the ocean we'll collide!
    come way with me
    come way with me
    down the drain we'll roll
    free from this, forever we'll be
    release that tattered soul!"

    and with this something came
    as if to reawaken the past
    all those nightmare sessions
    they swore would never last

    in the recesses of the psyche
    there they had found their niche
    unconsciously tormenting
    all those years now missed

    and so there lay before me
    a withered, aiming man
    right above my brow is where
    he had that bullet planned

    but in this dream, i swear to you
    i murdered him that day
    this house, it was haunted
    the moment he took aim

  • hrm…

    ok. so i made an animation to commemorate mars volta. more importantly though is that it emphasizes omar's package. ode to tight pants.

  • kind of bland

    no charitable hello or glance in my direction
    just a graceful walk-by to test my lacking patience
    warming sensations, thoughts of sexual situations
    dark brown on gold and hand-me-down kisses
    denim wrapped candy skin to envelop my senses
    congratulations, this autumn has brought with it temptation
    inspiring scribbled sonnets on white diner napkins
    beige coffee ring stains over my love confessions
    heart-choked logic in thump-thump succession
    that's all i need is another superficial distraction
    to cloud progress by reality's definition
    "what a waste" whispered at my funeral procession
    but even a bland rhyming scheme can ease my tensions
    when my heart seems bigger than my chest's dimensions