Category: Guitar

One of the things that I wasn’t prepared for in midlife is how difficult it would be to adjust to life without a passion.

This isn’t to say that I have never had passion. It’s just that the time commitment involved in nurturing a passion is severely diminished. Work, commute, house, 5-month-old baby — it’s seems so cliche, but finding the time for yourself really is difficult. And when you try to fit it in with any level of regularity, something else usually suffers. But does it have to?

I’ve been playing guitar since I was 14 years old. I never took lessons, but when you’re alone or unemployed or broke or all of the above, you’ve got a lot of time on your hands to noodle around and nurture it. What I lacked in knowledge, I made up in pure creativity. I’m not saying I was some sort of guitar god – that would be douchy as hell. But I loved playing so much and it was an escape from sometimes difficult reality.

Fast forward almost 25 years and I’ve been trying to get back into it. For too many years, my guitar collected dust. I’d pick it up now and again, and it was sort of like riding a bike. But there’s a big difference between taking a leisurely roll around the neighborhood and competing in a triathlon with it. Dedication, education, persistence, passion – you have to want it. And even then, when you’re a cyclist, rarely do people ask you to perform for them on the spot. There’s an implied prerequisite to share your passion with others through performance when it comes to music, even when you treat it as something personal.

Playing guitar for me still is a meditation, but it was more on the leisurely roll side of things. I had fun, sang some tunes around the house, and blacked out the work day stress or nonstop baby puke. However, I’d been feeling like my life was missing an opportunity for growth and to get me out of my shell. .

I started taking lessons for the first time a couple of months ago. I wasn’t sure how I’d like it, but it’s been incredible. It’s every other week, so not a huge commitment, but I already find myself getting to a level I’ve never reached before. I’m still rusty as hell, but it’s nice to be challenged in a way that is not in the form of a traditional education, or work or family related. It also gives me some much needed time to myself. I missed that.

All these years I feel like I’ve been coloring with 3 crayons. Learning the fretboard and scales (however slowly) is opening the palette up and making the creative process easier.

I’ve also made a friend in the neighborhood and we’re getting together for the first time tomorrow night to play acoustic guitar. I haven’t had a friend to play music with regularly in years and I’m actually pretty excited about it. I’m even more excited to have someone in my neighborhood instead of making the trek into Portland all the time.

At any rate, my goal by taking lessons and playing with others is to get better at improvisation and to become a better music writer. I harbor no illusions (or desires) to play regular gigs or becoming known in any way. But I would like to finally start making and recording music and honoring that part of myself that I’ve neglected as other parts of me grew. I’m setting that intention now and I’ll revisit this post in the coming years to see how I’ve done. Who knows, maybe I’ll even post something here someday.

Baby still isn’t here. Just got back from a check-up and some grocery shopping. Shar’s about to partake in some reality TV, so I’m contemplating other things.

Yesterday was a really good day. We started out with breakfast from Black Bear Diner. Much better than driving into Portland, waiting forever for a seat, having so-so food, and then paying out the ass.

Shar surprised me by taking me for my first ever full-service pedicure. It was…incredible. Of course I didn’t get any color done, but they pull out all the stops. Massage chair, foot soak, foot scrub, foot and leg massage, hot wax, toe nail clean up. I’ve never experienced anything like it and I just might have to do it a couple times a year for relaxation.

We rented a movie (Venom) and then went out to Breakside Brewing in Northeast for our friend Laura’s 30th birthday. Back home and in bed by 9:30.

Today’s MLK day, so us government workers get the day off and Shar just happened to have the day off as well. I took the day to give the office a thorough cleaning. The office is also my music room and also our spare room now that the spare room has become the nursery. Things are tight in here already, but I rearranged my guitar pedal board last week and all the cut up velcro and patch cables really put things in rough shape. Much better now. Still have to get these cords in order, however.

I squeezed in an hour or so of playing this afternoon as I got lucky and had the sun coming in the front window. I soaked it up.

All in all, a real nice self-care weekend and much needed at that.

Song:

Japanese Breakfast – Till Death

I did 5 miles today on my lunch hour. I can tell I’m going to hurt a bit tomorrow, but hell if it didn’t feel great! I am debating if I should get up early tomorrow and ride the opposite direction of my meeting in Portland to do my weight day. It will make for a long one, but I hate it that I’d otherwise have to miss.

Anyway, Shar and I had a bit of a discussion about my airline miles credit card. I paid for my flight (Thanksgiving week no less) with my Delta card because I had accumulated 70,000 miles. Sort of stupid since I was saving up for a trip to Europe, but with the baby coming along, I really didn’t want to spend $700 on a flight to Michigan in November. Anyway, that’s besides the point.

The reason I had 70,000 miles on my credit card is because I spent $70,000 on my credit card. That alone should give me pause. Sure, it was over the course of a year and a half, but still. I pay it off every month, but it’s one of those things where I didn’t really think too much about whether or not I had the money to spend because it wasn’t coming out of my checking account right at that moment. So, I spent more than I should have, consistently.

So I’ve switched over to using my debit card, which in and of itself is enough to curb the spending. When you see your checking account balance, the internal debate is a lot stronger as to whether or not you need a specific item. Most often, the answer is ‘no’. Anyway, I think I’m reigning it in and the spending habit is being curbed. Besides, if you just saved the annual fee you spend on those things, you’re halfway to a ticket right there.

And traveling is something we want to do. Where, no one knows. Neither of us have traveled with a baby before, so that will be freaky. But I know we both need it.

As for work, things are going fine. I just passed my 1 year anniversary in the new role and I couldn’t be happier with the change. It’s sort of strange being slightly lower on the totem pole, but sometimes you have to take a step back to move ahead, and my happiness and fulfillment are pretty high even if I’m not getting rich anytime soon. Of course the benefits don’t hurt – we did the math the other day and it’s going to cost about $600 out-of-pocket to have the baby. Not too shabby if you ask me. Things are cruising.

The interesting and difficult thing will be doing the math early next year. I think a lot of people are going to be shocked when they do their taxes with the changes made to the tax code since Trump took office. Let’s just say I hope you increased your withholdings if you’re the type of person who likes to get money back. Your vacation may be a staycation.

And since it will be the first year Shar and I can choose to do our taxes jointly or apart, that adds another element of difficult. Mostly because both of our student loan payments are based on income. So if we file together, our income is higher, and our payments could potentially go up. We’re both on the Public Service Loan Forgiveness (PSLF) train and I’m about halfway done with it before the remainder is forgiven. In this situation you want to pay as little as possible. So we may file separately despite the implications for our taxes. I may post a spreadsheet here once I get it figured out just in case anyone else is in a similar boat.

At any rate, I’ve got the house to myself tonight so it’s time to go hit some strings on my guitar. Nighty night.