perhaps it's time for a real update.
i've actually been a real busy-body for the first time in ages. i mean, holy shit, i was up at 5:30 today…without an alarm clock—-[need someone say–'who the fuck are you and what have you done with bryan'?]
in the beginning there were seeds.
so last month started out on a low note, coming to grips with the fact that i was going to be 23, a mere 7 years from 30. THAT'S 3 DECADES.
i'd see kids from school that have graduated….that were middle-schoolers when i was graduating. i was almost jealous of them. i wanted to be 17 again, going to shows every weekend, racking miles on my car, and getting caught up in youth drama. i wanted good grades without having to try…and thus the support that came along with that. i wanted the ignorant love i had then—gosh it was beautiful. yes, early February brought with it nausea, drinking binges, and puking fits.
shortly after this, brad came home from iraq…and i actually felt a bit better. i actually connected with him…not just superficial lip service like it's been the last few years. we drank while playing euchre, talked about life, about when we were kids, about the war, about his new wife to be, and whatever else…
and then my kid brother got married, the Wednesday before my birthday. i was exceptionally happy for both of them, and i think they're a good match. but i almost felt as if i failed…that my kid brother, [who had little personality…who got poor grades….who has never been much of a success…..never showed much interest in anything…whom my parents were worried for….] was doing much better than i was. here he was making pretty good money in the army, getting a new bride, a new place. how dare he marry out of order! ok, so those weren't the prominent thoughts. the underlying feelings were happiness, but those other things were always in the back of my mind.
when you hear the *ding*, turn the page.
well, the morning of the wedding [actually at the wedding] i meet one of amy's friends. abby. she just walks up and introduces herself, saying 'i've heard so much about you….no, no, all good things,' etc. i'm so shocked at this girl that i probably could have blushed. maybe i did. i dunno.
"but it's just a pretty face, bryan. keep telling yourself that. you don't need any distractions."
but she's not just a pretty face.
so what other excuse can i make up.
"she's just coming out of a long relationship. in fact, it's still not officially over…don't get yourself into that mess"
but pretty soon that's all over…and she starts going out of her way to see me…
slyly.
we have very similar personalities…she's going to school to be a special ed teacher…which i find very admirable…she actually READS for pleasure…she's motivated and has the potential to whip me into shape [probably is already doing so]…goal oriented…and so damn sexy, it drives me wild.
so we've been seeing each other the last few weeks, whenever our busy schedules allow us. we both work and go to school, and have pretty busy social lives…so sometimes it's tough, but i really like this girl. a lot. i haven't had butterflies for anyone in about 3 years…
i just don't know what to think because if i end up gong to U of M or MSU…i'm going to be kind of far away. i guess i'll just take it as it comes. but i'm done making life decisions based on anyone's life but my own; what's necessary for ME. all too often in the past i've compromised my plans for someone else.
over 'spring break' my parents helped amy and brad move to north carolina…into their new place….so i watched over their place…made sure eric got to school, fed the dogs…but that week was just chaos. i started a new job so i couldn't always be here to make sure things were ok.
the morning of my first day of work, i got up at 5am, showered, did my thing…went down stairs to make a copy of my driver's license and social security card…and in doing so stepped into a flooded basement. computers and other electronics were on the ground, trevor's drum kit, my amp, my guitar…all kinds of stuff. all i had time to move before i had to leave was the drum kit, guitar and amp. a computer, cd burner and misc. other things are officially fried. so i couldn't make a copy of my stuff….went to work empty handed…almost late….not a good impression.
my second day of work, i leave extra early to make up for things…to go to the copy place and leave plenty of time for myself. i decide to take my mom's car just for kicks…
so i stop by the ATM machine to get some cash out [ i needed gas…and smokes] but i realize i don't have my card…so i spend my only $5 dollars on a pack of smokes…and ride on fumes to the copy place. i get there and theres a sign that says OUT OF BUSINESS. WHAT!~!?! so i hop in the car and drive around looking for a place to get a copy made…and of course there is no where. i watch my minutes tick away, and i'm starting to get worried i'm going to be late.
LIGHTBULB
i stop in at holiday inn…cause i figure they cater to business people sometimes…and sure enough, i'm in and out with a FREE copy in hand. i get in the car and it won't start~!!!!! i get on the phone to try and call my brother, so he can give me the number for work…so i can call them…but of course my brother is still sleeping at 2pm….so i let it ring until it won't ring anymore….and then i call again. and again. 411 didn't know the number. i call home again. i lift the hood and start beating the starter with my fist. i'm so furious that i don't even notice that i've laid my arm on a VERY HOT part of the car. my skin melted right off. so i just slam the hood and sit there in the car with my head on the steering wheel. i try one more time….and the stupid ass car STARTS right then and there…first try….so next thing you know, i'm going 80 in a 55…all the while i see 6 cops with people pulled off to the side of the road….thank god they were busy. i made it to work 2 minutes late and no one even notices.
since that day, things have been going wonderfully, but i about had a breakdown. 🙂
ok, i think i'm done.
